dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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