I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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