I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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