i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
