the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
