I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
