he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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