She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
