Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
