ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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