My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
