Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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