Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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