its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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