She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
