dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
