She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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