Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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