I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
