The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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