Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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