I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
