TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
