I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
