In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
