So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
