he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
