woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize