im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
