I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
