I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize