Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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