That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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