Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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