Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
