I hate your face
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
