It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
