She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
