I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
