I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
