You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
