Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
