My first STD was from a foam party
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
