Whod you bang
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
home. puking in laundry basket.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
