Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
