could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
