All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
