My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
