It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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