My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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