I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
