what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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