Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
