dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
