Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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