Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
