Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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