I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
