i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
