Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
