I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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