My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
