the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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