I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
