We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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