I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
