yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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